The Order of the Hippo

Now, it's common knowledge that GW - oh, excuse me, The George Washington University - is a very pretentious institution. The school has spent the last several years preening, much as a male peacock would, and working as hard as they can to tell everyone in the higher education world that they're absolutely the best. So what if we're not Ivy League? Fuck the Ivies, we're like the younger, hipper, cooler version of them. Just ask anyone who works for the school.

Going to GW, you just sort of accept the whole thing. People will tear your face off if you dare to say that Georgetown might be a better school, yet when you make fun of American, people are all too willing to trip over themselves in an effort to crow about how much better we are. Competition is fierce, although I'm not entirely sure who we're competing against, as I don't think other schools realize just how rabid GW is about climbing the ranks (both on the US World News Rankings, and the "we're just flat out better than you in reputation" rankings.)

It's all very embarrassingly "Nouveau Riche" - like the awkward Californian dot-com millionaire who decides to declare himself a Boston Brahman. Sure, you have the money to play with the big boys, but your breeding is decidedly lower class (think: gardner's bastard, rather than the true heir of 300 years of exclusive blue blood breeding.) People just sort of... accept you without accepting you. And you never look quite right in those plaid beach shorts.

It's not easy being WASPy

So then it comes as no surprise that GW is not only cavorting around with it's very own "secret society" but is purposely being ridiculously obtuse about the whole thing, and is "accidentally" bringing the society to light (repeatedly) while denying it fervently, knowing full well that obviously people will realize it exists, and will believe it to be some kind of powerful, influential secret movement, comprised solely of tomorrow's Senators and Presidents. They want to pretend like they're an Ivy, just the more up-to-date younger brother version of it.

Most unfortunately, it is called The Order of the Hippo. And it's based on this hideous monstrosity (which, might I add, was a piece of absolute junk that our former president, Trachtenberg, picked up when shit faced one night, and only "donated" it to the school when his wife threatened to kick him out if he didn't get it the fuck out of their house - charming!) :


The Hatchet, GW's school paper, recently published a story about the 12th Order of the Hippo induction (for a secret society, they're awfully easy to find information on.) Here are some highlights, in bold, to show the absurdity (and pomposity) of the situation:

Students, alumni and administrators donned gowns, tuxedos and gold hippo pins Friday night in celebration of a pseudo-secret society's 12th annual induction dinner, which was held at the Law School.

Most of the 20 attendees who entered the Law School denied the Order of the Hippo's existence but failed to provide an explanation for their presence at the induction ceremony for new members.

"I'm going to an event," said Order founder and former University president Stephen Joel Trachtenberg, who was wearing a tuxedo. "It is some kind of alumni event."

Other University administrators who entered the Law School in formal attire included Peter Konwerski, assistant vice president of Student and Academic Support Services, and Barbara Porter, University President Steven Knapp's chief of staff. Knapp was not seen entering the Law School Friday night.

"Am I my brother's keeper?" Trachtenberg said when asked about Knapp's whereabouts.

Many of the students seen going into the Law School were 2007 graduates, including former Student Association Executive Vice President Josh Lasky, Justin Neidig and Jeff Goodman - all of whom have been previously linked to the Order.

"I will swear on my mother's grave that I don't know what is going on," Neidig said.

"Some 180 venerables" were invited to this year's dinner, according to an e-mail sent by the Order's Sergeant-At-Arms Chris Brooks to members of the society and given to The Hatchet.

Members of the Order should "only let a dozen or so members of the junior class become aware that they will be members of it in their senior year," Trachtenberg said in a speech at the society's first initiation, according to a transcript.

Little else is known about the initiation ceremony and the society's rules for membership.

In a 2007 interview, Neidig refused to discuss many of the details of the organization's membership.

"Membership is secret," he said. "(However), no individual is entitled to membership based upon arbitrary titles or campus involvement."

He added that initiation is "done in accordance (with) University guidelines."

In 2005, Student Judicial Services charged 12 Order members for violating the Student Code of Conduct and participating in hazing and underage drinking after Order members were seen on campus with blindfolds over their eyes and mud or face paint on their bodies.

The Code of Conduct defines hazing as "any action taken or situation created intentionally, with or without consent, whether on or off campus, to produce mental or physical discomfort, embarrassment, harassment or ridicule."

Attendees gathered outside the Law School said they did not know who would be admitted to the society this year.

In February, The Hatchet owas given an invitation for Friday's ceremony that listed Brooks, the chairman of the College Republicans, as the contact-person for the event.

Brooks, who was not seen entering the Law School, would not disclose his association with the Order in a February interview with The Hatchet.

"If I was involved, I wouldn't mention any involvement," Brooks said. "I find it interesting that an anonymous source tipped (The Hatchet) off to something that may or may not be true."

So, long story short, people are parading around campus in tuxedos, festooned with gold hippo pins, giving outrageously ridiculous statements and quotes, and pretty much bursting with excitement because now people are going to know they're all in a secret society! It'd would be hilarious, if it weren't so sad.

And the worst of it is that the Order hazes people. This is coming from a former President who wouldn't hesitate to try to get a greek organization booted off campus if there was even a hint of hazing, and yet they spend their time blindfolding their members, covering them in mud and paint, and parading them blindly around the campus quads. Genius! And since when was that the appropriate rites for a secret society induction? What about solemn oaths, brotherhood, and the ritual sacrifice of a goat? What would The Skulls say??