Tuesday, December 4, 2007

(s)Noooo!(w)

Days till Hanukkah: Tonight!
Days till Hull: 16
Days till Christmas: 20

So you know that scene in The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe, where the kids all tumble through the wardrobe and end up in whatever snow covered, bizarre creature infested, acid-trippy reality that C.S. Lewis came up with? Yeah okay, so that was like this morning, only instead of falling through a wardrobe I stumbled through the front door of my apartment, and rather than being transported to some pristine, gleaming winter wonderland I happened to get stuck in the very first (VERY EARLY) snowfall of the season, and rather than going on an adventure to raise Christianity awareness and usurp the throne, I got to trek over 3 miles for various errands - all before 9am.

And, to top it off, I once again forgot my nice, warm, long winter jacket at the Reds', so I had to do all of this in just my Northface parka.

Fuck this, man.

It's so cold outside! This is Boston weather, not DC weather. It shouldn't get bitingly cold until the very end of December, and even then we don't get the worst of it until January. I don't understand why I insist on living in the New England/Middle Atlantic region, when there's California over on the southern west coast, just beckoning me to come over and enjoy the happiness of 70-80 degree year round weather. I never should've left San Diego when I was there last December - hell, even if I'd become a homeless hobo, I still would've had a better existence than I do over here on the FREEZING coast.

I made myself a giant hot chocolate, so at least some heat is going back into my body. I'm really fighting the urge to just crawl under my cave desk and take a nap - my jacket could be used as a blanket, my scarf and gloves as a pillow, and the floor will make an excellent bed. I'm not picky. I've been known to fall asleep anywhere and everywhere, so it makes no difference to me.


Your Survival Technique of the Day
How to Survive the First Snow Fall of the Season

Step 1: Don't get out of bed.

Step 2: Milk it till the last minute. If you must get out of bed, make sure you do not do so until the very last possible minute. If you have to be at work at 9, get out of bed at 8:45. Nothing's more important than those last few minutes of warm, blanket-y goodness.

Step 3: Layers. Ladies, start off with a bra, a tank top, a long sleeve t-shirt, then add a sweater, perhaps a vest or two, and then top it off with a fleece and then your regular jacket. Guys, substitute "bra" for "wife beater" and you're good to go.

Step 4: Outerwear. It doesn't matter if you end up looking like a marshmallow, or if you have so many accessories on you look like the clearance table at Filene's Basement. The more gloves, hats, earmuffs, and scarves you have on, the better.

Step 5: If you're still too cold to function, wander into a grassy area, sit down, and wait to freeze. Obviously it's going to happen anyway, so you may as well go out in style, a la Jack Nicholson. As an added bonus, perhaps in a former life you did the same thing, and you can become one awesome (if slightly awkward) urban legend.

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