Days till Hanukkah: Tomorrow Night
Days till Hull: 17
Days till Christmas: 21
Back when I was a kid, people knew their place; the law loomed over us with its iron fist, and everyone bowed down to the greatness of sacred religion. We didn't have crazy fanatics that questioned authority, or that constantly blasphemed, using the Lord's name in heathen-esque vain. Lashings and beatings were doled out to keep us in line, and we prayed for the good life to continue. No one wanted riffraff ruining the sacredness of our lives.
But today, people flagrantly disobey those once steadfast rules. Vermin and disbelievers roam freely, spreading their evil seed (no, not that evil seed - well, actually...) and attempting anarchy. They want to overthrow authority, they want to ruin religion, they want to open up the very mouth of hell and let the devil himself spew forth and wreak havoc on the world.
The very worst of these offenders is none other than Gillian Gibbons, the disgusting blasphemer who is obviously the right hand woman to Satan (first offense: obviously being a woman.) She is such a vile, evil creature that she allowed young, impressionable children to have their souls sucked right out of their formerly innocent bodies, condemning them to a life of evil.
She let them name their Teddy Bear "Mohammed."
Days till Christmas: 21
Back when I was a kid, people knew their place; the law loomed over us with its iron fist, and everyone bowed down to the greatness of sacred religion. We didn't have crazy fanatics that questioned authority, or that constantly blasphemed, using the Lord's name in heathen-esque vain. Lashings and beatings were doled out to keep us in line, and we prayed for the good life to continue. No one wanted riffraff ruining the sacredness of our lives.
But today, people flagrantly disobey those once steadfast rules. Vermin and disbelievers roam freely, spreading their evil seed (no, not that evil seed - well, actually...) and attempting anarchy. They want to overthrow authority, they want to ruin religion, they want to open up the very mouth of hell and let the devil himself spew forth and wreak havoc on the world.
The very worst of these offenders is none other than Gillian Gibbons, the disgusting blasphemer who is obviously the right hand woman to Satan (first offense: obviously being a woman.) She is such a vile, evil creature that she allowed young, impressionable children to have their souls sucked right out of their formerly innocent bodies, condemning them to a life of evil.
She let them name their Teddy Bear "Mohammed."
The face of pure evil - not from concentrateThis English monstrosity, who was teaching at Unity High School in Sudan, let her children pick the name and actually dub the offending bear Mohammed, a horrific flaunting of religion and the law that should be punishable by death (and indeed, according to CNN, Some protesters called for her execution.) Obviously this hell creature intended to warp the young minds of the Sudanese children, and all but declared outright war on the Islamic people. I am shocked and appalled that she only received 15 days in jail for this horrific incident - and even more disgusted that she received an early pardon, and was allowed to end her term 6 days before she was supposed to. What kind of punishment is that for the very worst of our offenders?
If anyone needs me, I'm packing a backpack full of stones, and heading over to England.
Your Survival Technique of the Day
How to Not End Up in Jail for Religious Cruelty to Stuffed Animals
Step 1: Do not, under any circumstances, allow any children under your care to even consider naming a stuffed animal a name with any religious connotations whatsoever. This means no Mohammeds, no Noahs, no Rebeccas, no Leahs, no Almightys, no Buddahs, and no Flying Spaghetti Monsters.
Step 2: If your children seemed inclined to name the creature such a blasphemous name, you must instantly realize that they are the little boy from The Omen, and should be murdered messily immediately. Preferably in your House of Worship of choice.
Step 3: Destroy any and all stuffed animals - and while you're at it, destroy any and all play things and toys as well. It's obvious they're tools for devil worshiping, and are used to communicate with Satan while parents are oblivious and in the next room.
Step 4: Don't ever, ever move to the Middle East.
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