Days till Our Thanksgiving: 3
Days till Actual Thanksgiving: 14
From the moment I was informed that the Reds purchased a 22 pound turkey for our now-annual Thanksgiving dinner, I have been salivating obscenely, and imagining all the ways in which I can devour said turkey (with some cranberry sauce, with some stuffing, with some stuffing and cranberry sauce, with stuffing and cranberry sauce and a quart of gravy, etc.) And considering I had the lamest moment of my life last night and went to bed at 7pm (although I do feel somewhat better today) it meant I had the entire night to dream about the deliciousness that is Thanksgiving.
So imagine my confusion this morning when, upon leaving my apartment, I saw that city workers were busy stringing Christmas lights from every available tree branch in the Washington area. First of all - Dad, you totally lied to me all these years! You said the elves put the lights up! What does that mean about Santa?! And second of all - it's mid-November!! What happened to embracing Thanksgiving? We're Americans - we really, really like food.
From the moment I was informed that the Reds purchased a 22 pound turkey for our now-annual Thanksgiving dinner, I have been salivating obscenely, and imagining all the ways in which I can devour said turkey (with some cranberry sauce, with some stuffing, with some stuffing and cranberry sauce, with stuffing and cranberry sauce and a quart of gravy, etc.) And considering I had the lamest moment of my life last night and went to bed at 7pm (although I do feel somewhat better today) it meant I had the entire night to dream about the deliciousness that is Thanksgiving.
So imagine my confusion this morning when, upon leaving my apartment, I saw that city workers were busy stringing Christmas lights from every available tree branch in the Washington area. First of all - Dad, you totally lied to me all these years! You said the elves put the lights up! What does that mean about Santa?! And second of all - it's mid-November!! What happened to embracing Thanksgiving? We're Americans - we really, really like food.
Nov 8: Fuck you, ThanksgivingFeeling uneasy and confused, I scurried to work and curled up on my chair, tentatively logging online in hopes that someone would be on to comfort me. I saw an email from Barnes & Noble for 20% off my next purchase, and a hopeful smile appeared - I love books. And I love emails. And I really love sales. I felt loved.
I opened the email, and let out a scream. The 20% sale image was a Christmas Tree, made of books, with a radiating star on top, overlooking a snow-covered village just bursting with Christmas pride. Why was there no tower of Turkeys? No cornucopias bursting with books? No Indians puzzling over stove-top stuffing? What has happened to our once beloved fourth Thursday of the year?
I think I'm going to spend my lunch hour eating copious amounts of turkey sandwiches, and devouring any and all cookies and brownies left over from yesterday's catered lunch. Nothing will help bring back the spirit of Thanksgiving like some idiot gorging herself on any food even remotely resembling a Thanksgiving spirit. What can I say? I'm super patriotic.
In other news, I am miraculously still alive. My 13 hour "nap" (I missed America's Next Top Model :( ) helped to somewhat alleviate the crushing awfulness of my cold. AND! Something else has come to help me feel better - TOM CRUISE AND KATIE HOLMES AND ALIEN BABY SURI ARE IN DC!!! Pics are popping up of them on 22nd Street NW, as evidenced here by the picture, and by my fabulous photoshopping skills which highlight the 22nd St. sign:
I opened the email, and let out a scream. The 20% sale image was a Christmas Tree, made of books, with a radiating star on top, overlooking a snow-covered village just bursting with Christmas pride. Why was there no tower of Turkeys? No cornucopias bursting with books? No Indians puzzling over stove-top stuffing? What has happened to our once beloved fourth Thursday of the year?
I think I'm going to spend my lunch hour eating copious amounts of turkey sandwiches, and devouring any and all cookies and brownies left over from yesterday's catered lunch. Nothing will help bring back the spirit of Thanksgiving like some idiot gorging herself on any food even remotely resembling a Thanksgiving spirit. What can I say? I'm super patriotic.
In other news, I am miraculously still alive. My 13 hour "nap" (I missed America's Next Top Model :( ) helped to somewhat alleviate the crushing awfulness of my cold. AND! Something else has come to help me feel better - TOM CRUISE AND KATIE HOLMES AND ALIEN BABY SURI ARE IN DC!!! Pics are popping up of them on 22nd Street NW, as evidenced here by the picture, and by my fabulous photoshopping skills which highlight the 22nd St. sign:
Quick! The Thetans have escaped the volcanoes!This means I need to flee right now, and start running through the streets in an effort to get a glimpse of the crazy family. I've always wanted to rescue Katie and Suri from their basement dungeon where they're forced to sit through Scientology lessons and watch lots and lots of Tom Cruise's movies (back from when he was kinda hot, and people actually thought he was normal.) Luckily, there's a Scientology church about 3 blocks away from where I work, so the opportunity is prime! Wish me luck! If I don't update tomorrow, either the three of us ladies have escaped into the mountains of West Virginia, or I'm locked up in a jail cell in Southeast DC, already Big Bertha's Bitch. Woo!
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