Today I shall not include a countdown, because the very idea of food makes me want to kill myself. When my alarm went off this morning I very nearly hurled my phone across the room - getting out of my warm bed and attempting to actually pass myself off as human seemed an incredibly daunting task. As I type this, I'm trying my very hardest not to keel over, smack my head off my desk, and land in an ungraceful, sprawled heap on the floor. As amusing as that may be for everyone else in the office, I think I'll try to keep some semblance of modesty.
In order to distract myself from the fact that my throat is somehow turning any food/liquid/saliva into broken glass (which is super fun to swallow!) I've been playing with my brand new, very shiny Netflix account. Besides crack cocaine and Jack Daniels, there is nothing more exciting in this world than Netflix.
In order to distract myself from the fact that my throat is somehow turning any food/liquid/saliva into broken glass (which is super fun to swallow!) I've been playing with my brand new, very shiny Netflix account. Besides crack cocaine and Jack Daniels, there is nothing more exciting in this world than Netflix.
That's my actual name and address right thereSo far, I have a very eclectic (meaning: bizarre) mix of movies in my Queue, including:
Zodiac: Even though Jake Gyllenhaal is totally gay (I wish I could quit you, Heath) and using Reese Witherspoon as his beard, I still want to kidnap him, tie him to my bed, and spend the next ten hours indulging in a variety of activities that include whipped cream, edible body oils, and safe words (I said "seagull," damnit!)
Severance: What could be better than a British horrody (comorr? comedorror? wtf?) about a team of office workers set loose in the Hungarian woods, fending themselves off not only from psychotic bosses, but from a band of men suspiciously resembling the hillbillies from Deliverance? And you thought the horrors of the deep South were just confined to one region!
Strangers With Candy: Because the Comedy Central show was one of the most hilarious shows I have ever seen; where else can you find Jerri Blank, a quasi-closeted gay couple including Stephen Colbert and his lover "Jellineck" (el-oh-el), a dictator of a principal, and oh yeah, Jerri Blank as a 40-something former junkie and prostitute who's going back to high school? And Sarah Jessica Parker is in there somewhere, since Amy Sedaris (sister of one of my favorite writers of all time, David Sedaris) guest starred on Sex and the City since, oh yeah, despite her monstrous appearance on "Strangers," she's actually really hot. Also, she utters the phrase: "I'm moist as a snack cake." Win.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: Manos: Hands of Fate: Being a deeply devoted fangirl to the entire MST3K phenomenon, I've always wanted to see this movie - long hailed as the second worst movie in history behind Ed Wood's "Plan 9 From Outer Space," it is one of the best spoofed MST3K movies of all times. I feel slightly ashamed that I've seen so many episodes, and yet have somehow managed to miss this one.
The Dead Zone: No, not the tv show, the original movie (although god damn, the tv show has that formerly awkward nerd from every 80's movie with Molly Ringwald, who is now so manly and sexy it makes my brain explode), since Christopher Walken is terrifyingly awesome and I've always wanted to see the original.
Reno 911!: Miami: Yet another Comedy Central spawned movie, I've been waiting with bated breath to finally see this (just not really, since I would've at least passed out by now.) Nothing says "Oscar Buzz!" like a sheriff in plum smugglers, a deputy dating a serial killer even after his capture, and the occasional police brutality beating of a man dressed up as a giant milkshake.
Bram Stoker's Dracula: Yet another movie I can't believe I haven't seen yet. Gary Oldman is the epitome of sexy, and really, nothing indulges in a man's capacity for sexiness like the opportunity to play the brooding, darkly romantic Dracula. It also gives me an excuse to say "stick it in me, Gary!" and for once, not be referring to entirely dirty things.
From Hell: Speaking of ridiculously hot men that I declare "Worthy of Sticking it in Me," Johnny Depp is in this movie, which means I'll suffer through Heather Graham's portrayal of a poor prostitute if it means I get ample Johnny time. Also, it's about Jack the Ripper, which means it's hella awesome. Even if they did change, oh, a huge chunk of the story around. Whatever! It has Johnny. And opium. A winning combination, if I do say so myself.
Shadow of the Vampire: Yes, more vampires, but no, certainly not of the sexy variety. Willem Dafoe is frighteningly Nosferatu-esque on his better days, so it's not surprise that if you were to build a movie around the notion that Max Shrek was not just "strikingly ugly" (as the director of Nosferatu himself declared), but also an actual vampire, then who better to be your leading man?
And that's it for now. I'm thinking of queuing up some seasons of The Office and perhaps a few more vampire related movies, cause nothing helps me sleep soundly at night alone in my apartment than movies about creatures that can easily burst through windows and suck all the life right from you. Awesome!
Zodiac: Even though Jake Gyllenhaal is totally gay (I wish I could quit you, Heath) and using Reese Witherspoon as his beard, I still want to kidnap him, tie him to my bed, and spend the next ten hours indulging in a variety of activities that include whipped cream, edible body oils, and safe words (I said "seagull," damnit!)
Severance: What could be better than a British horrody (comorr? comedorror? wtf?) about a team of office workers set loose in the Hungarian woods, fending themselves off not only from psychotic bosses, but from a band of men suspiciously resembling the hillbillies from Deliverance? And you thought the horrors of the deep South were just confined to one region!
Strangers With Candy: Because the Comedy Central show was one of the most hilarious shows I have ever seen; where else can you find Jerri Blank, a quasi-closeted gay couple including Stephen Colbert and his lover "Jellineck" (el-oh-el), a dictator of a principal, and oh yeah, Jerri Blank as a 40-something former junkie and prostitute who's going back to high school? And Sarah Jessica Parker is in there somewhere, since Amy Sedaris (sister of one of my favorite writers of all time, David Sedaris) guest starred on Sex and the City since, oh yeah, despite her monstrous appearance on "Strangers," she's actually really hot. Also, she utters the phrase: "I'm moist as a snack cake." Win.
Mystery Science Theater 3000: Manos: Hands of Fate: Being a deeply devoted fangirl to the entire MST3K phenomenon, I've always wanted to see this movie - long hailed as the second worst movie in history behind Ed Wood's "Plan 9 From Outer Space," it is one of the best spoofed MST3K movies of all times. I feel slightly ashamed that I've seen so many episodes, and yet have somehow managed to miss this one.
The Dead Zone: No, not the tv show, the original movie (although god damn, the tv show has that formerly awkward nerd from every 80's movie with Molly Ringwald, who is now so manly and sexy it makes my brain explode), since Christopher Walken is terrifyingly awesome and I've always wanted to see the original.
Reno 911!: Miami: Yet another Comedy Central spawned movie, I've been waiting with bated breath to finally see this (just not really, since I would've at least passed out by now.) Nothing says "Oscar Buzz!" like a sheriff in plum smugglers, a deputy dating a serial killer even after his capture, and the occasional police brutality beating of a man dressed up as a giant milkshake.
Bram Stoker's Dracula: Yet another movie I can't believe I haven't seen yet. Gary Oldman is the epitome of sexy, and really, nothing indulges in a man's capacity for sexiness like the opportunity to play the brooding, darkly romantic Dracula. It also gives me an excuse to say "stick it in me, Gary!" and for once, not be referring to entirely dirty things.
From Hell: Speaking of ridiculously hot men that I declare "Worthy of Sticking it in Me," Johnny Depp is in this movie, which means I'll suffer through Heather Graham's portrayal of a poor prostitute if it means I get ample Johnny time. Also, it's about Jack the Ripper, which means it's hella awesome. Even if they did change, oh, a huge chunk of the story around. Whatever! It has Johnny. And opium. A winning combination, if I do say so myself.
Shadow of the Vampire: Yes, more vampires, but no, certainly not of the sexy variety. Willem Dafoe is frighteningly Nosferatu-esque on his better days, so it's not surprise that if you were to build a movie around the notion that Max Shrek was not just "strikingly ugly" (as the director of Nosferatu himself declared), but also an actual vampire, then who better to be your leading man?
And that's it for now. I'm thinking of queuing up some seasons of The Office and perhaps a few more vampire related movies, cause nothing helps me sleep soundly at night alone in my apartment than movies about creatures that can easily burst through windows and suck all the life right from you. Awesome!
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