Jews, Pro-Choicers, Abort Jesus

Working for the feminists gives me all sorts of exciting experiences: I get to play text twist, I get to read celebrity blogs, and sometimes I even get to do crosswords. Fortunately, when I actually have to do some work, the content is always equally lighthearted and amusing. Take today, for instance: I got to write a news brief about a Planned Parenthood clinic in Illinois that was facing some amusing resistance from the more 'conservative' members of the Aurora area.

Says the Reverend Martin Heinz, of the ever inspiring Holy Angels Catholic Church, "Satan has been able to creep into our gospel. Jesus said that this is my body, take and eat from it. Now, we hear people say that this is my body, I can do what I want with it."

Hilarity! I wish Satan was creeping into my belongings, it would certainly make things a lot more interesting. Although I have to wonder, if we're only Jesus' corporeal body, if Satan were to appear would we be immediately locked in an epic battle? How do those things work, anyway? You'll have to excuse me, I'm Jewish, and since my people killed Jesus, we're not privy to that kind of sensitive information. Although maybe I plucked it right out of me when I had that abortion - Jesus? Did I get you, too?

Okay, so I didn't have an abortion. But I would if I needed to, and I support a woman's right to choose. If I didn't - well, then I guess I'd be one of those super cool anti-abortion protesters. You know, the super bad ass ones, that like to blow up clinics and shoot doctors with snipers from ledges. After all, the best way to stop the murder of an innocent fetus is to mow down the living, breathing, out-of-the-womb doctor prepping for the OR! Yeah!