The Joys of Bromance

It's no secret that I'm obsessed with reality tv, to the point where I often fantasize about trying out for shows and cashing in on my alloted fifteen minutes. I obsess over the contestants, acting like I know each and every one of them on an intimate level. I feel their joy and their sorrow, their elation and their devestation, and at the end of the day, all I want to do is open my arms to them and cuddle them. Unless it's someone like Saleisha from ANTM, then I just want to punch her in the face and cut off that hideous haircut of hers.

I find myself constantly addicted to shows as they come out. I cry with Ricky on Project Runway, I root for the beauties on Beauty and the Geek to finally understand the basics of 3rd grade math, and I imagine that someday, I'll be able to turn the oven on without screaming, like the contestants on Top Chef. (Seriously, ovens are horrifying.) There's a special chamber in my aortic region for each and every reality show out there.

But a new show has emerged from the genius' at Bravo, and it's blown every other reality show completely away. This masterpiece combines models, both sexes, actual talent, and some of the most provocative photo shoots I've ever seen. This show is Make Me a Supermodel.

And it's one big bucket of sex.

Now, to be fair, the contestants really do have a lot of talent, and a lot of potential. The vast majority of them are very high fashion, and even those that aren't quite there could still do big things. They improve every week, they take their challenges seriously, and best of all, the judges and the rest of the country takes them seriously as well. When the ANTM girls march out on the season premiere, everyone laughs their asses off and knows they're doomed to a life of Sears Catalogues and Chili's commercials. The MMAS contestants, on the other hand, could legitimately go on to do big things.

But again, none of that matters when we look at just how hot these models are, and at some of the shoots that Bravo has lovingly bestowed upon us. After a quick Google search, here is a lovely collage made up of images I yanked from here:

BRB, taking care of business.

Okay...

I'm spent.

Moving on. The show actually creates high fashion-esque shots, which is something a lot of modeling shows won't do. Sure, ANTM had that one shoot where the girls posed naked together, but even that was ridiculous. There was no real emotion it in, and certainly no excuse to get all hot and bothered during it. (Basically, what I'm trying to do here is justify my lusty ways by making MMAS look like a superior show - which it is - so I feel better about myself in general. And so I can start salivating over the models again.)

But beyond any cheap sexual thrill I get from watching Perry and Casey grope and lick each other all over while on that bed, you know, the shoot where Perry was like humping Casey, and they were both rolling around together, and they were like sweating, and...







...just a sec.

Okay. So beyond just acting like there's a shit load of sexual chemistry between two people, we come to the ultimate awesomeness that MMAS embodies: the Bromance. It's like a Dupont Circle version of Romeo & Juliet; straight, tough prison guard Ben (who's married) from Tennessee meets fairly flamboyant, gay student Ronnie from Chicago, and sparks fly. Quite literally. Watching the two of them together is like watching a couple on their honeymoon; they're affectionate, adorable, and the chemistry between them is palpable.

Wife and all.

If you google "Make Me a Supermodel," you'll find at least two dozen sites talking about Ronnie and Ben's "will-they-or-won't-they" relationship. Hell, even Entertainment freaking Weekly wrote about it:

The Unlikely Wisdom of Supermodel Wannabes

If you haven't been watching Bravo's newest reality series, Make Me a Supermodel, you're missing a whole lot of gratuitous on-air nudity and — now that we have your attention — one of the most provocative relationships on television. Ronnie, a gay 24-year-old student from Chicago, is enamored with his roommate, Ben, a straight (and recently married) 22-year-old prison guard from Nashville. Here's the kicker: Ben not only welcomes the attention but seems to have genuine affection for Ronnie. This unconsummated ''bromance'' has become the show's buzziest story line — and it's igniting plenty of will-they-or-won't-they speculation. Right now, it's nearly impossible to find a blog that doesn't refer to the duo as ''adorable.''

If the culture war is indeed over, then it's safe to say that reality TV played a major role in helping to end it. Had a show like Supermodel existed 20 years ago, a guy like Ben would have been far more likely to refuse to bunk with a gay man than to flirt with him...

...Of course, none of this resolves the most pressing moral dilemma still facing us today: Should we actually be rooting for Ronnie and Ben to hook up? Probably not. But it's hard to avoid. They're pretty adorable together.

Even established entertainment publications are commenting on the tension between them. And sure, I feel slightly bad for Ben's wife, as she appears to be a sweetheart, but still. April - your dude is gay. And it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside to watch him with Ronnie. And you have to admit, they're adorable together. They practice walking together, they encourage each other at the end of the runway, they always pair together, and they always happen to be groping each other, or rolling around on a bed together.

(btw: the last two icons were during runway training, when Ben was "encouraging" Ronnie)

Soooo. Yep, that's love right there. I kind of want to jump right in the middle for a Chelsea sandwich, but I don't want to ruin the wonder of it all. Yes, for once I'm putting my own sick, twisted perversions aside, so that others can enjoy themselves. I think this counts as growing as a person, or something.

At any rate, come Thursday night at 9pm, I'll be cheering on my boys. Maybe this week, we'll finally get to see them making out in the bathroom or something. And so, I would like to leave you today with this gift:


You're very welcome.