Waterboarding = A-Okay!

So it seems that the United States government is having a bit of a problem with publicly admitting that waterboarding is actually a form of torture. I mean, I can see their reasoning - when you look at the definition of waterboarding, it's really not even remotely harmful to one's emotional, mental, or physical wellbeing:

Waterboarding is a form of torture that consists of immobilizing a person on his or her back, with the head inclined downward, and pouring water over the face and into the breathing passages. Through forced suffocation and inhalation of water, the subject experiences the process of drowning in a controlled environment and is made to believe that death is imminent. In contrast to merely submerging the head face-forward, waterboarding almost immediately elicits the gag reflex. Although waterboarding can be performed in ways that leave no lasting physical damage, it carries the risks of extreme pain, damage to the lungs, brain damage caused by oxygen deprivation, injuries (including broken bones) due to struggling against restraints, and even death. The psychological effects on victims of waterboarding can last for years after the procedure.

Oh. Wait.

Okay, so, if immobilizing a person, then forcing water into their breathing passages with the intent to perform the process of drowning (and convince the person that their death is swiftly impending) and risking damaging their lungs, brain, and even perhaps killing them, isn't considered torture... then what is?

Just pretend it's a day on the beach!

I know that if someone happened to such a lighthearted prank on me (because seriously, what other category could this technique possibly fall under?) I'd be pretty pissed. In between choking almost to death (or possibly actually drowning, and then being revived) of course.

With this line of reasoning, the government is essentially saying that the following techniques are, in no way, forms of torture:

1. Causing mental harm to a subject (potentially long-term harm)
2. Causing emotional harm to a subject (potentially long-term harm)
3. Causing physical harm to a subject (potentially long-term harm)
4. Causing a subject to believe they are about to die
5. Risking causing brain damage to a subject
6. Potentially killing a subject
7. Performing controlled drowning to a subject
8. Performing oxygen deprivation techniques to a subject

Obviously, none of these techniques are damaging or dangerous to a human being, since the government deems it so. So what does torture then entail? If something can progress as far as murder, essentially, then where do we draw the line? There is no line, if we ultimately take the life of an individual.

Hm.


Your Survival Technique of The Day:
How to Survive What May or May Not Be Considered Torture by the US Goverment

Step 1: You Don't. Sorry.