Oh, Tuesday

Days till Hull: Tonight/Tomorrow! (For traveling purposes)
Days till Christmas: 1 Week!
Days till 2008: 16
Days till Menopause: 27


Tis the day to try to slit your wrists and/or hurl yourself out the 8th story window down the hall. Even when I know I'll be leaving for Hull tonight, I still can't shake the horrifically despairing air that comes with a Tuesday. From the moment my godforsaken alarm went off this morning, I've been trying to explain to myself that it's like a Friday, and that this is the last day before a week off, but I just can't get into that mindset. I still feel like it's the beginning of the week, and all I want to do is curl up into a ball and sob until my chest explodes from lack of air.

My bleeding heart declares Tuesdays: Emo Days

Mind the mascara smudges and emo screaming music.

Suicidal thoughts aside, today is a good day because it really is the last day before my vacation. I will be attending a funeral service this week, which (in all seriousness) is heartbreaking (and my condolences, thoughts and prayers go out to the family) but even that is a service dedicated towards hope, love, and remembrance, rather than pain and suffering. Remembering a person for their amazing qualities, and remembering the good times, is a good thing in my book.

And it's, you know, vacation. A whole week where I get to sleep in, where I can stuff my face with Christmas delicacies and not feel the urge to haul my bulk onto my scale, where I can frolic about and waste time and spend money like I actually have some, and just enjoy myself. Amazing! This whole 9-6, 7 days a week thing has very quickly lost its appeal. At first it was like "AWESOME I'm an adult and I wear nice clothes to work and I have a salary!" but now it's like "fuck it, give me a cardboard box and some Saltines, and I'll be so much happier." Ugh.

What I now strive to be

I mean seriously, I'd make an awesome homeless person: I can sleep anywhere without a problem, I'll eat just about anything that people throw at me, I'm Jewish so I love handling change and money of any denomination, I'm very lazy and often called a bum anyway, and I have a vast appreciation for the city streets. If that doesn't spell motivation and drive, then I just don't know what does.

Besides, then I wouldn't have to pay rent, or renter's insurance, or bills. Shopping would mean digging around in the trash (have you seen how many trash barrels there are in this city??) and social time would be all the time, since the city is literally infested with the homeless. Plus, the shelters completely perpetuate the problems by come to places like Farragut Square and just doling out food to anyone that wants it, so I'm all set! At least one hot meal a day? Count me in!

I'm not sure what my posting schedule is going to be like when I'm home (I know, I know, let it all out, it's okay, I'm here for you - at least for now) so I can't guarantee that I'll be constantly regaling you all with my hedonistic tales of debauchery and mayhem, but at least you can look forward to one hell of a post next Thursday. That is, if I live long enough to actually see next Thursday.

So, I leave you all with this: have a Happy Belated Hanukkah, a Merry Early Christmas, and a Fabulous Whenever-the-Hell-it-is Kwanzaa. Drink your eggnog, strategically place your crush under the mistletoe, and never mind the 10 pounds you gain in Christmas cookies alone. Spend time with your loves ones, don't get too violent with the other relatives, and most of all, enjoy the holidays!



Your Survival Technique of the Day
How to Survive a Tuesday (So You Can Actually See Christmas)

Step 1: Find busy work. Have some emails to send out? A spreadsheet to tackle? A list of people to wish harm upon? Well then, get to work! Busy work gets you into a mindless pattern where it feels like you're data inputting for only a few minutes, but suddenly you've passed three hours. Somewhat frightening, but gets the job done.

Step 2: Make yourself at home. Decorate your office space with homey, welcoming things: plants, pictures, ipod speakers, Playboy centerfolds, etc. The warmer your surroundings, the more apt you are to feel comfortable at work, and get through the day without attempting to scratch your own eyeballs out.

Step 3: Reward yourself. Every hour, take a quick break, surf the web (unless you're me, and do that every 5 seconds), crack open an ice cold beer (I mean soda.) Every few hours, treat yourself to a hot chocolate, or a piece of candy. Rewards = Motivation, and they make the time pass by faster.

Step 4: Sleep. If you've tried the reward system, if you've buried yourself in spread sheets, if you've decorated your office with such exuberance that it looks like Santa's Workshop down at the mall, and you're still beating your head off your desk in despair - take a nap. You deserve it. Your scarf and gloves make a great pillow, and you can tuck your jacket around you as a blanket. Under your desk should be cave-like enough to promote sleep - and besides, it's a Tuesday. Frankly, I'm surprised you're actually awake and reading this right now.