Days till Christmas: 25
Ah, America's Next Top Model. I know we're supposed to hold our breath and truly believe that these girls are all going to be stomping down the runway at Bryant Park come the Fall 2008 shows, but in all reality, 99.99% of the "models" will go right back to their stripping, waitressing, whatever-it-is-people-like-Heather-do ways. ANTM is great tv, but the next crop of super models, it is not.
While people like Heather and Jenah take fabulous pictures, they don't have the runway presence or marketability of someone like Stam or Gemma. They can't effortlessly hawk sunglasses, couture dresses, and Victoria's Secret ensembles. They can't wow the crowd on the runway, then turn right around and blow the photographers away with a photo shoot. To actually stick around in high fashion, they need to be versatile and work well with every angle of the modeling business.
And then there are the Biancas and Saleishas of the world - girls who are pretty, sure, but are nowhere even remotely close to being high fashion. High fashion is all about the "interesting" look - you're not the adorable little girl next door, or the run-of-the-mill attractive girl with a strong jaw. You need to have that "something" that lets you look fierce even if you're wearing a plastic bag. Bianca and Saleisha are, quite possibly, the complete antithesis of high fashion. No one in their right mind would ever hire them for fashion week, or a Vogue spread, or even a damn charity show. They're reserved for the Sears' Catalogue shoots, right beside Jaslene "Leno Chin" Gonzalez.
With Heather gone, I'm torn between Jenah and Chantal. Chantal makes my brain leak out my ears whenever she speaks, but she has more of a "je ne sais quois" than Jenah has. Jenah takes the better pictures (although Chantal's are a lot better than anything Bianca or Saleisha have ever come up with) but Chantal has a better face in person. Although Jenah is growing on me. I'm not entirely sure which one I'm rooting for yet. But in the end, we know that winning ANTM means absolutely nothing. When was the last time you saw Caridee doing anything than getting shitfaced at a CW Premiere party? The only one getting any work is Mollie Sue from Cycle 6, because we all know that anyone with even a hint of potential is booted out in the beginning rounds. Apparently talent does not equal television appeal.
Your Survival Technique of the Day
How to Survive (and Win) America's Next Top Model
Step 1: Come up with a wacky illness or horrific past experience. Claim Lupus, a brain tumor, an abusive step-father, or crabs. Give a sob story while stoically wiping away those few tears. Hint at a crowd-drawing amount of insanity lurking beneath that (um) attractive surface.
Step 2: Be a huge bitch. If you don't have abusive relatives or a convenient wasting disease, then you're angle is to play the bitch card. Everyone loves a manipulative, obnoxious, drama-causing bitch, and we all know that these idiots stay on far after their expiration dates, especially when they're not even remotely high fashion. Points in case: Bianca, Jade, Monique, Robin, etc.
Step 3: Kiss up to the judges as much as possible. No one wants to hear you explain your idea, or defend your pose, or do anything even remotely like a confident model would. Pretend to enjoy Miss J's hair-choice-of-the-week (be it an afro, a long braid, or pigtails); pretend like Tyra totally didn't put on 50 pounds; pretend like you're not sleeping with Nigel.
Step 4: If all else fails, play the blame game. Well, the photo shoot was terrible because so-and-so was snapping their gum too loudly. And you looked like a zombie because she kept you up all night with her obnoxious antics (yes, I'm talking about you, Saleisha). And you totally passed out right in the middle of the shoot because you're totally sick with some kind of convenient food poisoning, and not because you decided it would be a fabulous idea not to eat for 3 days straight. And voila! It's no longer your fault. Next!
Ah, America's Next Top Model. I know we're supposed to hold our breath and truly believe that these girls are all going to be stomping down the runway at Bryant Park come the Fall 2008 shows, but in all reality, 99.99% of the "models" will go right back to their stripping, waitressing, whatever-it-is-people-like-Heather-do ways. ANTM is great tv, but the next crop of super models, it is not.
While people like Heather and Jenah take fabulous pictures, they don't have the runway presence or marketability of someone like Stam or Gemma. They can't effortlessly hawk sunglasses, couture dresses, and Victoria's Secret ensembles. They can't wow the crowd on the runway, then turn right around and blow the photographers away with a photo shoot. To actually stick around in high fashion, they need to be versatile and work well with every angle of the modeling business.
And then there are the Biancas and Saleishas of the world - girls who are pretty, sure, but are nowhere even remotely close to being high fashion. High fashion is all about the "interesting" look - you're not the adorable little girl next door, or the run-of-the-mill attractive girl with a strong jaw. You need to have that "something" that lets you look fierce even if you're wearing a plastic bag. Bianca and Saleisha are, quite possibly, the complete antithesis of high fashion. No one in their right mind would ever hire them for fashion week, or a Vogue spread, or even a damn charity show. They're reserved for the Sears' Catalogue shoots, right beside Jaslene "Leno Chin" Gonzalez.
With Heather gone, I'm torn between Jenah and Chantal. Chantal makes my brain leak out my ears whenever she speaks, but she has more of a "je ne sais quois" than Jenah has. Jenah takes the better pictures (although Chantal's are a lot better than anything Bianca or Saleisha have ever come up with) but Chantal has a better face in person. Although Jenah is growing on me. I'm not entirely sure which one I'm rooting for yet. But in the end, we know that winning ANTM means absolutely nothing. When was the last time you saw Caridee doing anything than getting shitfaced at a CW Premiere party? The only one getting any work is Mollie Sue from Cycle 6, because we all know that anyone with even a hint of potential is booted out in the beginning rounds. Apparently talent does not equal television appeal.
Your Survival Technique of the Day
How to Survive (and Win) America's Next Top Model
Step 1: Come up with a wacky illness or horrific past experience. Claim Lupus, a brain tumor, an abusive step-father, or crabs. Give a sob story while stoically wiping away those few tears. Hint at a crowd-drawing amount of insanity lurking beneath that (um) attractive surface.
Step 2: Be a huge bitch. If you don't have abusive relatives or a convenient wasting disease, then you're angle is to play the bitch card. Everyone loves a manipulative, obnoxious, drama-causing bitch, and we all know that these idiots stay on far after their expiration dates, especially when they're not even remotely high fashion. Points in case: Bianca, Jade, Monique, Robin, etc.
Step 3: Kiss up to the judges as much as possible. No one wants to hear you explain your idea, or defend your pose, or do anything even remotely like a confident model would. Pretend to enjoy Miss J's hair-choice-of-the-week (be it an afro, a long braid, or pigtails); pretend like Tyra totally didn't put on 50 pounds; pretend like you're not sleeping with Nigel.
Step 4: If all else fails, play the blame game. Well, the photo shoot was terrible because so-and-so was snapping their gum too loudly. And you looked like a zombie because she kept you up all night with her obnoxious antics (yes, I'm talking about you, Saleisha). And you totally passed out right in the middle of the shoot because you're totally sick with some kind of convenient food poisoning, and not because you decided it would be a fabulous idea not to eat for 3 days straight. And voila! It's no longer your fault. Next!
1 comment:
Stop hating and appreciate the beauty of all the young ladies that get the chance to participate.
At least they are trying to do something positive.Remember beauty is in th eye of the beholder. You may not think that they have it,but
I'm sure that there was someone who thought the same about those "top models" that are out there on the Paris runways. Also I like the fact that young ladies of all races and sizes get a chance to show that there is more than one stantard of beauty. Thanks,America's Next Top Model.
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