Okay, seriously, what is up with the kid in the Verizon FiOS commercials? Is he, or is he not, the demon sibling of that horrifyingly frightening child from the remake of The Omen? Every time I see those commercials I feel compelled to dump Holy Water over my left shoulder, or whatever it is that crazy Catholic people do to ward off evil child spirits or stuff.
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It's just not worth it. And it's very bad marketing because I'm too busy screaming in fear and fleeing the room to figure out just what the hell this FiOS nonsense actually is. (Not that paying attention would answer any questions, because I'm pretty sure FiOS is some sort of alien Light Bright system that hides in your closets and blinds you when you open the door.)
(Also, what the fuck is up with Fox News tonight? Not that Fox News ever makes any sense, but tonight they're playing the most ridiculous music in the background of their stories. It's a little hard to take a segment on Americans being denied care from doctors even with health insurance seriously when some happy little ditty is merrily playing away in the background.
Also also, the puns? The cutesy alliteration? The heinous play on words? Just stop yourself. No one wants to hear a story about grave robbers peppered with "devious diggers!" and "grave problems!" It's... tacky. Very tacky.
Stop smoking crack, Fox News - we already know, it's okay. Just accept your problems, and move on. And, for the love of god, stop showing those damn Verizon commercials - are you trying to scare your viewers to death?
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