Denial: The Ahmadinejad Approach to Life

You know, in between my ramblings of Verizon Demon Children and Monstrous Flesh-Eating Puppets, I've decided to adopt a new outlook on life. I wasn't sure where to go; should I try (more extensive) therapy? Accept other people and children and puppets? Be more optimistic?

Well, my problem was solved with all the recent buzz about Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad coming to the US. I realized that, rather than accepting people and seeing the obvious, I should just try Denial - brilliant!

I see what you did right there

First things first, I'm going to pretend like homosexuals don't exist. Homosexuals? We don't have that problem! No one's gay (because we sent them to prison and executed them! Yeah!) You crazy Americans and your acceptance of "alternative lifestyles" - you know what I say to alternative lifestyles? There aren't any because we end your life first!

Secondly, I'm going to pretend like the Holocaust didn't happen, cause c'mon - we all know the Jews made that up in order to evoke sympathy and prompt the gullible to give them all their money, because all Jews are money hungry attorneys and lawyers and doctors. Except for Sarah Silverman, no one will take any responsibility for that one.

I agree, I prefer blonds too

Speaking of the onslaught of the Jews, I'm going to go ahead and agree with Ahmadinejad and say we just wipe Israel off the map. I mean, it's clear that the entire state of Israel is just one giant occupying regime, dedicated to marring the spotless reputation of the Middle East (to put it more eloquently, there are a "disgraceful stain on the Islamic world," says Ahmadinejad.) Out, damn spot!

Let's see, what else is there to be in denial over... Oh yes, let's make the universities have a 50% quota for male students, and a 50% quota for female students in acceptance numbers. We have got to stop the growing number of females in areas of higher education! Cause uh... they don't have enough dorms. And uh... transportation's hard. Or something.

Actually, I think I'm just going to ignore any and all human rights, to be on the safe side. It's so much easier to entirely disregard the welfare, feelings, and wellbeing of the masses. I mean, it's the masses, for Christ's sake - that implies many! I don't have the time or inclination to really put any effort into it. It's a very trying job, hating everyone and refusing to tolerate their differences. I'm just gonna go ahead and work on my hobby: a nuclear program. Awesome!