Cali or Bust

Whoever thought it was a good idea to have the workday last from 9am until 6pm was clearly a raging psychopath. Something like 12-4 I can totally see, but 9 hours? Of working? How does anything get done? How do people get up that early and manage to stay awake for the entire day?

I was so tired I nearly fell asleep at the front desk. Then during dinner. Actually, I'm sleeping right now.

I'm a big supporter of never working again, and finding ingenious ways to survive. My mother isn't so keen on this idea, so to be responsible I made a list of possible life styles I could have, complete with pros and cons, so she knows I put some real thought into this.

1. Become a professional vagrant and never work again. I could grab me a sleeping bag and a shopping cart full of cans, plastic bags and kitty litter, and join the ranks of the homeless at McPherson Square.

- Pros: I get to go camping every night; I'll make lots of new friends; I'll never worry about not getting enough fresh air; I'll get to use soiled rags and pieces of pigeons for currency; I'll boost my fundraising skills by asking for change

- Cons: I'll be sleeping in a camping bag on the damp ground with a bunch of people that chew on their own flesh and rant about alien invasions (of the terrestrial and extraterrestrial kinds, because let's face it, we're in DC and everyone talks about politics)


2. Move back home and take up permanent residence in my childhood room. Between my dog, my mother's kindergarten class, and my 18 year old brother, I'll have an endless source of vexation and amusement - just like working a job. Sort of.

- Pros: I already have a bedroom and a big house and yard, so it's not like I'll have to move my belongings; my mom gives me lots of food to eat, and even more wine to drink; my fluffy, retarded dog is there; every single person I went to high school with, even those people that were seniors when I was a freshman, are still there and ready to par-tay!

-Cons: I'd be that creepy 20-something still living at home with my parents, talking about my dog like it's my child, and I'd become an anti-social freak that spends her days drinking entire wine racks of white wine and ranting at the furniture. And I'd probably become a serial killer, cause isn't it a rule that anyone above the age of 18 that moves home permanently ends up hiding bodies in the wall of the family house?


3. Run away to California and become a hippie. I'd smoke weed all day long, grow my hair out so I wouldn't have to buy clothes, and wouldn't have a care in the world.

- Pros: Smoking weed all day, growing my hair out so I wouldn't have to buy clothes, and not having a care in the world; palm trees and the ocean always make me giddy; everyone's relaxed and carefree, unlike the East coast; there's no winter so I wouldn't have to worry about freezing to death in an awkward position in public.

- Cons:Uh...

Okay, so it's LA or bust! I'll find a dealer and a sleeping bag once I get out there, and I guess I could attempt wearing my hair as clothes, although currently it's shoulder length so that might cause a bit of a commotion, but hey - I'm a hippie. I don't care about commotions. Just relax, man, and take a hit of this. Good shit.