Pros and Cons of DC

Days till Surgery: 10

Days till Old Age: 19

Happy Good Friday! Since I'm not sure what Good Friday actually is (is it the day Jesus actually died? And is Easter the day when zombie Jesus comes back to feast on the living? I dunno, I'm a Jew) I decided that my time was better spent today debating the pros and cons of living in our nation's Capital. DC is a... funny city, for a variety of reasons. Read on.

Northwest DC

Pros:

1. DC is a beautiful city
This is mostly true. At least for the Northwest Quadrant and parts of Northeast. The monuments are spectacular, much of the architecture is European and breathtaking, there's a lot of greenery and flowers for an urban setting, the river views are beautiful, and nothing can beat the view of driving in from Arlington, and seeing the city sprawl out in front of you.

2. Springtime in DC is unbeatable
Okay, this I have to admit - DC springs are amazing. The Cherry Blossoms are out in full swing, everything's green and lush, flowers sprout everywhere, and it's gorgeous. Add all the nature into the beauty of the monuments (and all of the midday and midnight monument tours) and it's really something incredible.

3. Action movies and political thrillers are filmed here
Where else would you go to film a movie about the president's son being kidnapped and held for ransom by stereotypical Russian terrorists with names like Hanz Van Evilstein? Some of the biggest, baddest names in Hollywood flock to DC to film against the backdrop of the White House, the Capital, and the other various landmarks that are peppered over the city. Add in the plethora of Ambassadors and foreign officers, and you have yourself a summer blockbuster.

4. It stays warm right through Halloween
This is an important one, because I hate being cold on Halloween. It's the one night of the year when you're expected - even encouraged - to go outside in the skimpiest lingerie imaginable, and no one wants to parade around mostly-naked if the temperature's dipping into the 30's. Spring may be the best time of year in DC, but the fall's damn nice too.


Okay, well, there are my pros. Not very numerous, but certainly good for something. Right? Onward to the cons...

Southeast DC

Cons

1. Paradoxically, DC is also architecturally boring and drab
There's something strange about a city that declares that no building can be as high as the top of the Capital. A lack of sky scrapers sometimes is the kicker to really making you feel like you're not quite in the busting metropolis that you were hoping to be in. And for every monument and pretty garden, there are 50 buildings in the same drab, grayish, creamish color, stretching on and on as far as the eye can see. It gets old fast.

2. Wintertime in DC is brutal
I really expected DC to have a much warmer winter than Boston, and don't get me wrong, it definitely is warmer. By about 10 degrees. So when Boston is 17 degrees, I get the thrill of knowing I can skip to work in... 27 degree weather. Yeah, not quite the huge difference I'd anticipated. And what's brutal about DC is that not only is the cold absolutely biting (and I say this coming from Boston) , the wind is brutal - absolutely brutal. I've never felt anything like it before. I'm assuming part of the problem is the architectural layout of the city, because certain blocks are always horrific wind tunnels while others aren't, but the sheer onslaught of the wind during the winter months is enough to send anyone running to warmer climates.

3. Summertime in DC is equally as brutal
Most people forget that DC was, largely, built on former swamp ground, unless they're unlucky enough to spend a summer in the District. I never spent much of the summer months down here when I was in school, but every trip down made me instantly regret coming. The humidity is so heavy it nearly squashes you, and you can feel it weighing heavily on your shoulders with every step you take. You do lose, like, 10 pounds from sweating all your water weight out, but then you die of dehydration, so it's not entirely a win-win situation.

4. DC is a one trick pony
People go to DC for one reason, and one reason only: Politics. It's why I came here in the first place - like every wide-eyed, innocent student lucky enough to get into Georgetown or GW's Elliot School, I migrated to the Capital to learn International Affairs and Political Science from the best of them. Then I realized several things: I was crap at Economics, I wasn't a rabid crazy political junkie, and I wanted to major in something that would allow me optimal boozing time (aka, English.) Now that I've graduated and I'm actually living here, it's all about the field I'm not in. It was fine in college, because everyone had different majors, and people were still mingling with each other, but the adult populace of our fair city is only interested in yapping on and on about which Senator did this, and which Lobbyist group did that, and what intern's posing for Playboy, etc etc. It gets very old, very fast. Unless you're Eliot Spitzer, and then this place is one hell of a good time.

5. Everyone wants you on their side
Like I mentioned in Wednesday's post, DC is the place to go to stage a protest. You can protest the war, you can protest the President, you can protest women not having the right to choose, you can protest women having the right to choose, you can even protest the government conspiracy that stripped you of you home and money and put tracking devices in your ears (yes, I'm talking about you, that crazy old man outside of the McPherson Square metro station) - you name it, you got it. But that means that for all of the warm months in DC, you have to put up with the crazy screaming, drum banging, and general mayhem of large mobs of people going insane. As awesome as it is the first few times, it gets old fast.

6. Nightlife? Really?
Okay, sure, there are some good nightlife options in DC. Some. But there's not a lot, and after awhile, you get sick of the whole thing. First of all, something like 80% (okay I might be exaggerating) of the city is comprised of gay males, and the rest of the male population is fat, ugly, and thinks they're poised to become the next scandal-buttered Senator. It makes bar hopping kind of a bummer. And when the metro closes at 1am, and the clubs close at 1:30am, not only are you stranded because you can't get home, you're also a shitfaced mess because, you know, everywhere closes so goddamn early that you have to chug the bar down before it's too late. So then you're wasted and stranded, and wake up the next morning in a dumpster behind a Starbucks, wondering what the hell happened, and wondering if there's any coffee still fresh somewhere beneath you.


Okay, so, as you can see, there are good points and bad points to living in DC. Personally, I think the bad outweigh the good. By a LOT. Like, a LOT a lot. I'm not that political (moreso than most people, but nothing compared to the citizens of DC), I hate the cold and the crazy humidity, I'm tired of the East Coast, and I'm ready for one hell of a change. And I think, after reading this, you'll agree with me. Unless you're that homeless dude, cause no matter how many tracking devices and bugs he thinks the government planted in his brain, he's still a loyal citizen, and you can't beat that kind of dedication.