ANTM Hurts My Brain

Days till Surgery: 4
Days till Old Age: 13

Now, usually, ANTM always hurts my brain: the girls are shockingly loud and obnoxious, the pictures are usually hilarious, Tyra is always completely insane, the J(ay)s frighten me, and the judges always pick the least talented, least model-esque girls to "continue on towards becoming America's Next Top Model." This week, however, things were thrown around a bit, and for once I'm almost at a loss for words. Almost. In order to better tackle this conundrum, I've put this week's pictures in order of call out, from best to worst:

Whitney: Grunge

Okay, well, I'm torn on this one. I'm so happy that they're finally taking a plus sized model seriously, and I love Whitney, I reall do. I think she's gorgeous and talented and I'm so happy to see her holding her own. At the same time, all of her goddamn pictures have the same face - that slack jawed, slightly dazed, slightly surprised look that kind of makes you cringe, cause you don't want any flies buzzing in there or whatever. I mean this picture looks great (if rather The Crow-esque) but I was hoping we'd see more from her than just an open mouth. So I'm a little surprised that she was called out first. Tyra, what are you thinking?


Katarzyna: Emo

Now this picture deserved to get the first call out, in my humble opinion. Katarzyna looks absolutely stunning here, and finally proves that she's not just some mail-order pin-up bride from Russia. This picture alone shows just how versatile she is, and how she can rock anything from a lingerie cruise on the Hudson to an Emo photoshoot with lots and lots of black eyeliner and hurt feelings. I'm so happy that Tyra & Co. actually recognize how good she is. I loved her from the beginning and saw a lot of potential in her, so of course I assumed she'd be going home first.


Fatima: Heavy Metal

Now this I don't get at all. Yes, Fatima finally realized that her legs are indeed a part of her body, and finally posed them accordingly, but otherwise the photo is ridiculous. Yes, she finally "got into it" and showed some kind of expression, but she looks like a KISS reject, and rather than it being ~provocative~ it comes across as really scary. Like, hiding under your bed scary. There were a lot of much better pictures this time around, so I have no idea why she was called out so high; I'm thinking Tyra just wants to make a fuss about Fatima actually listening to her for once. Because, you know, listening to Tyra guarantees her a spot among the greats, and all.



Lauren: Pop

I have no idea how this picture expresses "Pop" especially because when I think of the term I envision Miley Cyrus, and oldschool Britney and Christina. But whatever. At any rate, the picture is... okay. I'm glad that Lauren is so much fierce in pictures than she is in person (especially because she's so horrific in person) but this picture leaves much to be desired. It's... just okay. Not great, not terrible, just okay. Like Fatima, I have no idea how she got called out so highly, especially when there are much better pictures still to come. Again I think it's a "listen to Tyra and climb the ranks!" thing which pisses me off.



Anya: Punk Rock

Now this is one of the pictures that should've been called out after the top 2. Anya looks amazing here, and uses her full body (feet, legs, torso, arms, face, etc) to really bring both the pose and the theme of the shot to life. She does a much better job than Fatima and Lauren, yet is called out after. Which again makes me want to beat my head off my desk. Although, like Katarzyna, I liked Anya from the beginning, so I was anticipating her going home right away. At any rate, she actually rocks her ridiculous platinum 'do here, so I'm happy for now. I just hope she ends up kicking some ass in the future, and doesn't get stuck so low in the pecking order.



Dominique: Folk

Do you know what this is? This is a dude in a dress. A dude, in a dress. There's nothing even remotely appealing about this picture, and I cannot, for the life of me, understand why she wasn't in the bottom two this week (and especially why her manly ass wasn't sent packing.) Sure, her waist looks kinda small, and I guess the whole outfit and outdoors scene gives her that "Folk" feeling they're going for, but Dominique herself (himself?) brings absolutely nothing to the plate. Ooh, a slight tilt - genius! Clearly that embodies the Folk theme! Ugh. She's so freaking hideous, both in person and in pictures, yet she continues to stay on. Tyra, I know you're doing this just to piss me off, and I'm so sorry to say it's working. Damn you and your lack of a soul!



Stacy Ann: House

Okay, usually I hate Stacy Ann. Like, hate Stacy Ann. With the fury of a thousand suns. But this week I was shocked to find that I really liked her picture. There's something about the pink color against her skin, and her expression and body pose here that I really, really like. And, quite frankly, I'm baffled that she's so low in the call-out order. Sure, it's not overwhelmingly full of emotion, but I thought it was a great shot - something you'd easily see in the pages of Nylon, for example. It just seems very natural and very easy, so I don't get the low call out - especially because she's crazy, and Tyra loves her crazy ass. And Tyra's favorites always get first dibs.



Claire: Country

It kills me to say this, but... I like this picture. A lot. I still would've preferred to see Claire leave over Aimee, but that's mostly because I hate her in person, and I think she looks like a 60 year old dementia patient who's been locked up for years in a psych ward. But this picture is very interesting; soft but it highlights her strong angles feminine, but you get the hint of cowgirl beneath it; kind of plain, but it speaks volumes. So of course it's in the bottom two. Now I'll admit, she's not doing much in this picture unlike some of the others who are bending all over the place, and making more of an outward gesture of emotion, but I think this picture speaks to Claire's ability to just do it - to sit there and still take a good picture. This is the difference between her picture and Dominique's - both of them are just there, but Claire really brings some depth to it. So of course she's in the bottom two? IDK. I also don't get why Claire is STILL the Covergirl of the week! Seriously! She brings nothing entertaining to this show!


Aimee: R&B

And Aimee, once one of my top picks for this competition, goes home tonight. I have to admit that I was wrong in my choice, and I do (mostly) agree with her being sent home. I would of course have wanted Fatima or Dominique to go home instead (especially Dominique, cause that is all new levels of hideous) but Aimee just hasn't had "it" lately. The last few pictures of hers have been boring and uninteresting, and while I love her look, and I really liked her in person, she's falling flat on camera. Sadly, I have to admit it was (probably) her time to go, and I have to keep my fingers crossed and pray that next week, our resident Tranny man is the one sent home. Please, Tyra God, work your magic in my favor for once, okay? Please??