Days till Halloween: 19
Days till Omaha: 5
So, unless you've been entirely cut off from any and all media sources - or you're still asleep because it's 9:17am on a Friday of all times - you've seen that the fabulously rotund and deliciously diabolical looking Al Gore has proclaimed himself Grand Emperor of the World by snagging the Nobel Peace Prize for "Global Warming" crap.
Well, Al Gore, I see you've worked your leprechaun-like magic over the people of the world, causing unnecessary panic by claiming that the "polar ice caps are melting" and "greenhouse effect is hurting our atmosphere." Of course this is all a bunch of liberal propaganda, forced onto the unsuspecting masses so that the Democrats can fund their death crusade and pay the Jews to keep aborting babies in the same back alleys where they're housing terrorist group leaders that they've supplied with bombs, rappelling equipment, and maps of all major transportation systems in the country.
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Yeah, like I believe what you say, Mr. I Lost Fair and Square in a Just and Entirely By the Books Election to George W. Bush. You're just bitter that the popular vote went to your opponent, don't lie. The people love him! This bitterness is evident in the way you're trying to scare the public into believing these outlandish stories - like the polar ice caps can melt? Ha! You expect me to believe that? Next thing you'll be telling me is that the oceans are like rising or something hilariously false like that, or that the dodo went extinct years ago. Nice try!
In happier news, this morning I had my first delicious Pumpkin Spice Latte of the season. While I haven't been on much of a coffee kick lately, it was freezing outside this morning and I wanted something to warm me up on my leisurely stroll to work. I popped into Starbucks for my daily muffin, and realized that duh, come October all the tasty autumn seasonal beverages have made their way out. The pumpkin latte is pretty much pumpkiny crack in a warm little cup; it's so good it's shocking. I'm a huge fan of anything and everything pumpkin related, and it put me in a great mood as I let the caffeine pry my still-closed eyelids open so that I could start my day. (That is until, of course, I felt rather masochistic and looked up the nutritional values online, and realized I had eaten 420 calories worth of muffin, and imbibed a further 240 calories of latte - and that's with skim milk, and without whipped cream.)
They're love calories, baby
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Last night was a new episode of Supernatural, which further cemented two longstanding ideas of mine: 1) I never, ever want children, and 2) Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki are seriously fucking amazingly hot. It gets me every time. Every Thursday I turn the CW on, and turn into a melted pile of gooey hormones, wishing that more men in this city looked like them. Then I go outside and realize that all the ones that even somewhat resemble those levels of beauty are very gay, and much prettier than I am, and I go home and eat a tub of ice cream to drown my sorrows.
But seriously, children are just instruments for the Devil. Either they are the spawn of Satan, or they are some sort of angry, fiesty creature like an imp or a changeling or Dakota Fanning, and all they want to do is suck the life right out of you and put you into an early grave. No thanks; I'd rather get into an early grave via a drinking problem or a spectacularly dramatic and publicized murder that forever makes me an infamous, posthumous star and legend in my own right.
But seriously, children are just instruments for the Devil. Either they are the spawn of Satan, or they are some sort of angry, fiesty creature like an imp or a changeling or Dakota Fanning, and all they want to do is suck the life right out of you and put you into an early grave. No thanks; I'd rather get into an early grave via a drinking problem or a spectacularly dramatic and publicized murder that forever makes me an infamous, posthumous star and legend in my own right.
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